Private Bank Internal Hedge Funds

Your consigliere, alas, does not yet breathe the rare air of the Private Bank Client.  I've never heard an investment pitch from a private bank but I do know some people who do the pitching, and it goes something like this:

A great advantage of being a [famous private bank] private client is access to our internal hedge funds, which are only available to our favored clients.

As it turns out, this access isn't really worth having.